I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
