I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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