Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
