I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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