You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
