All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
