We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
