don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
