Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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