Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
