Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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