she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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