her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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