My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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