my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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