butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
