Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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