Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
