he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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