i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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