bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
