I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
