omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is