i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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