At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
