She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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