I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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