i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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