would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
