I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The adults are the big ones right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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