sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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