I'm going to jail i love you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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