Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
