This is not my ceiling
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
