For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
