I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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