the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing