this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle