he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"