do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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