I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
