Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're a waste of cheezeits
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.