Plan B is the new Plan A
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.