i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
