You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
