We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had to cum in my sink.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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