some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
