the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
