I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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