White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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