I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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