first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
