Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
