So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
