My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
