OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
