halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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