Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
