his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
