Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
