I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
