just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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