I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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