Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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