I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.