Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
