No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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