Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
