I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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