After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
