Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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